Tuesday, January 31, 2006

An open letter to a dear friend

It is when you hurt the most that you love the most.

Everything is a blur. I am not in my right order of thinking but I’d continue with this anyways since there is no other way. If this is where it has to happen. Then let it.

What a crazy thing.

When time comes and you have to set someone free, [That person maybe a friend, parents or boyfriends]you try to stop it you can’t.

All your efforts are futile. And we the persons left behind has no choice but to accept things as they come.

Maybe, it wasn’t entirely your fault. I have my own share in the guilt too. But this won’t all start have you told me the truth from the START. I could have understand you. I could have listened to your explanations. I could have explain my side. but no. you didn’t explain and that damaged our friendship. You didn’t want to explain to me. You didn’t want to lose that friend without even thinking you can lose ours in the process.

Then you started to shut yourself up. You close your doors to us for someone else. I tried to reach out, hold on to you but you let me go. You started running before I can reach you and then you were gone. It was then that maybe it’s time to move on and grow as separate persons.

But on second thought, maybe im not. There are times im wondering why is this all happening. I feel like crying and asking you what this had to be the situation?


That is the question.

the end
Tell me im pathetic and probably I am. Im tired of this myself. Can anyone help me? Just teach me how to make the hurting stop. Please….
For smart people just like you…
Got the brains to answer this?
Think of words ending in -gry. Angry and hungry are two of them. There are only three words in the English language. What is the third word? The word is something that everyone uses every day. If you have listened carefully, I have already told you what it is.

Now, comment back if you have the guts.
Current mood: who wants to be a millionaire?
Current music: I’ve got the power yeah baby!
Para sa mga walang magawa sa buhay nila-

I am currently in a state of ennui.

There’s nothing to honestly talk about.

Nothing to speak of.

To do

To see

To explore

To go to….

Oh well, I just post senseless things then like….

If trees were made higher than us humans in terms of intelligence… would they be called humans and WE trees?

Can you imagine if we were the ones in the jungle, scavenging for food and the animals are the one civilized e.g. driving, cooking working etc…

Or humans are the main attractions in fairs and circus instead of dolphins, parrots or other creatures? And they are the ones selling cotton candy and popcorn.

Can you imagine a giraffe presiding a holy mass?

Or police zebras hunting down robber dog, pusher cat and drug lord lizard?

I think the world will be in a better state condition.


Im serious.
Just this weekend nakausap ko up close and personal for the ferst time in our whole lives together ang isang tao that di ko talagang akalain na makausap. I mean, yes would you believe na for 7 years nakakasama ko siya and yet ngayon lang kami maguusap ng ganito:

Ako: bear, do you know the difference between TOTOO and TAMA?

Tesa: I think there’s a difference…

Ako: do you know what is it?

Teas: totoo is real and tama is right

Ako: how pathetic bear, I didn’t told you to give their meanings, I should have just read the dictionary had it been that way.

After a long pause…

Tesa: you believe in reality and that could b wrong or right and if u believe in that reality, that truth for you…

Me: ah, yes bear… you’ve hit it.

Tesa: you? what would you have chose? The truth or right?

Actually, up to this moment I don’t have an answer but here is what I said

Me: the truth.

Tesa: but what if it will onli give you pain no matter how real it is already? Sumtyms we have to accept dat there is the fake reality… in order to move on

Me: what do you mean?

Tesa: kc u know that in d end nothing happened, dat u just hope for nothing.

Me: ah yeah, but people aren’t here to have fun. People lived to be hurt and that’s about it. You only have to accept fakes. There’s no other way out.

Tesa: yeah so why does it fil so right when its so wrong? Or how can it be wrong wen it fils so right?

Me: oh, you said “feel” feelings and emotions are subjective. Either wrong or right.

Tesa: so the one you choose to love is the wrong one?

Me: no, it’s the feeling that’s wrong.

Tesa: why?

Me: for example…. Ur in love with this married guy, sure it’s not wrong to love but reality sets in that you could never be with that guy, not even close. So you move on, that’s right. The truth can only comes after the right.
Tesa: oh I see,

Me: it hurts,. There are a lot of rules, complications and everything else.

Tesa: yeah, I agree…

Me: so you? what are you choosing?

Tesa: why suddenly you’re asking me the question? Oh well, the truth too maybe,,, im going to let it go..

Me: ah ok…

Tesa: new situation, if you realize you love someone late, what are you going to do?

Me: suffer the consequences then… it’s your fault anyway, like me…

Tesa: oh? Why?

Me: I was left with no choice then but to do so.

Tesa: nagsisi ka?

Me: ofcourse, who wouldn’t?

Tesa: that hurts….

Me: so much… given another chance I would have done differently

Yeah, up to this second, chinito boi. If ever you’re reading this and im sure you are. Im regretting that moment I let you go. My compuction would go on and on thus never ending. Your dimpled face standing at the doorway and smiling at me would forever haunt me as I lay down to sleep. You do understand that I did that not for myself but for you and only you. Now it is only in my dreams that I can hold and continue loving you just like before. The difference? There was never a past to start with.

Tears are falling… beep beep beep.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

oh my god, it was a wrong site!!

it's supposed to be this way....


there,,, im sorry for the stupid mistake
I have read a very interesting live journal today. [www.taenagagomo.Livejournal.com]

I know that I belong here to blogspot but I can’t help but take a glance to that attention-grabbing blog or journal or whatever.

I honestly doesn’t know what is his name [im sure of his gender though] or who he is or what he does or what not. But one thing is for sure, he writes pretty hard.

I know a lot of people use web log as a way to let out the shits and angst of their life. or rather for some, an online diary, which sucks by the way. But this certain “taena” used it for practice.

Yep people, practice for his part-time job… he wants to be a writer.

When I read the first entry [that means the latest, about the comments] I was like “what d hell was he trying to point out?” why does he have to care about those things blah blah blah oh well, some troubled misunderstood guy perhaps. Still, there was a certain feeling that reigns through the entries and the succeeding ones [the past entries idiot!] there was depth and substance though I can’t figure out just yet what was that.

And so, I continued reading his journal. Now I do get it, I think. He makes people feel his emotions. His emotions are raw and they really make you feel for him. Of what? I don’t know. That is what im still to find out.

I think im wasting my life and computer life reading his entries, but I don’t know!
It’s like im glued to it. That I just have to continue on and on. Oh well. I just have to.

Current mood: im dizzy
Current music: …and ignite your bones, I will try to fix you
Chocolates are addictive.

I have always been a fan of chocolates. Name it and surely, I have eaten it from Hershey to the plain choc nut.

Now I learned chocolates are stimulants. That’s probably the reason why the are said to trigger happiness on the eater. If so, then im an addict and I’d be too dependent on it that I’ll just have to continue taking it and eating it and pigging out. That is until im gonna be out of my mind then I’d be repulsive to everyone. I’d be confined to some asylum and be with lunatics and I’d spend the rest of my life in chocolate misery.

Not a happy dog right now. Aaawww,,

Current mood: addictive
Current music: I try to resist it, im addictive to you!

Friday, January 27, 2006

Illusions of grandeur

I wish I am a fairy.

Then I can grant everyone’s wish including mine. Then the world would be so much happier to live in. right?

Im gonna be a fairy complete with wand, an orb and those thin dancing with the wind silvery candy colored dresses. Then Im gonna grow wings just like tinkerbell and fly to never never land.

Oh, just how I wish I really can…

Current mood: fairily
Current music: when you wish upon a star to…. Get it you idiot!

Eto… labo!!

*I am pretty [well, screw you if you don’t believe. Nagiisa ka lang!! HAHA. Although they say pia, my sis, is prettier I think I am prettier!!
*I love books but this is no secret if you’re my classmate or family member.
*ako ay isang tanga pagdating sa pag-ibig. Yup. Sawi. Bigo. Nananalasa.
]may galit ako sa mga taong mayabang pero puro hangin… hindi lang ang tummy pati ulo and UTAK!!
]I believe na tayo ay ginawa ng diyos upang magpasaya. At hindi para magpaiyak so kung pwede lang noh!! Papatay ako ng tao pag pinaiyak niyo ako!!
]exception dun, umiiyak ako sa mga corny at baduy na love story.
~I have a very sunny disposition which can alter in a few hours. Fine seconds.
~natatawa ako sa mga tao na akala niya hindi nila ginagawa ang mga bagay na ayaw nila sa ibang tao.
~ang love ay parang tae. Kapag hindi na kailangan ng katawan ay ilalabas na. Taena naman!! Shet. Labo.
^puta! Gusto kong malaman bakit tao ang tawag sa tao? Kung bang puno ang pinakamataas na creation ni god sila ang tao at tayo ang puno???
^bakit may mga tao na sadyang manhid?? Haha. Isa ako sa mga yun eh!
^gusto ko ang drums. Problem arises when I play them.
Im tired…

Don’t let me even start with the whooping loads of schoolwork we have been given!! Packing shet talaga!! Uhm… di pa naman kami graduating ah!! Kainis tuloy…

Okey, but the good thing is, im getting almost enough sleep [rejoice! After months…] which is a miracle I tell you!!! It all began when I fell asleep at 9pm and then waking up a t 1am which cause me a great headache. So I promise myself im just gonna finish everything early if I can and sleep before time! Okey, I hope to do finish on time. Haayyy…. I sometimes have to go home late at night or early morning for that matter haha.

And magaaral na akong mabute!! Haha… Seriously, my grades are ok but nowhere satisfied. Share ko lang, I have a sinking feeling im getting LOWWW grades this quarter. Huhu.. Then I hope not. “Think positive nga diba?”

Current mood: scared of not being with you
Current song: im so sick with you, honey
People always think of me as this bratty and snotty schoolgirl. Boo stupid people!!

And that sucks! Ow, it never has to be that cruel!!

Well, it proves that it’s easier to be bad than prove them you’re good.
Ok, so now im gonna be grotesque, creepy, freaking mean!! Haha….

I didn’t like what I wrote since it sounds like im a monster or alien from mars heelllo E.T. so I think I have to laid it clear and slick, im now having a 90 degree and be mean… again HAHA.

Honestly, im not making any sense here so there. Who the hell makes one anyway?

Im not in the mood for songs and humor today bitch!!!
I was walking with my jacket pulled close to me in the cold muddy street when suddenly a roaring car swerved past me leaving me in a façade of walking cake only in the modified form of dirty brown.

Mind you people, he didn’t even have the nerve of get out that f&*!@$G car of his or her to apologize. He or she just discreetly passed after the nerve-wracking mud-drenching incident, which he has done.

The coolness of people now nowadays. Strains my nerves further.

Current mood: feels like a million poops. Eeww.
Current song: rain on me like it never rain before [huh?]
happy bday to my favorite drummer of all time.

“just how long can all time mean…hmmm?”

^basta whatever that may mean. Chris rocks!! Okeyiz?? He’s now 21 wow…. Legal adult na!! haha….

Always keep fit though I know I never have to say that. Heehee. Thanks for the ML dude :)

By the way, hi sa twin mo who happens to be a special friend of mine… heeheh…
Hi sponge!! Hi yael! Hi armo! Hi gosh!! Heellow chris! Eheehee,,
Hi pupil!! Hi ely! Hi yan! Hi bogz! Hi dok!!

Hellow to everyone else in between then…

An angel without at halo but has a harp

Current Mood: sitting pretty
Current song: happy birthday to you to the tune of stupid love!

Monday, January 23, 2006


--- ok… finally I have watched this movie, I should have watched this sa cd kaya lang na raid and mga nagtitinda kaya wala silang mga kopya and it also leaves me wondering bakit MMFF copies lang ang kinuha leaving the others out… hmmm….

“blue moon… you saw me standing all alone… without a love of my own”

Ok… eto ang summary niya na tinry ko talagang iklian pwomise!!!

The story begins with the old man [manuel] being told na may cancer siya and that he is soon to die tapos sabi din na he already do all his unfinished business and enjoy his last months. He said na isa lang ang gusto niyang isayaw, si Corazon. Ok now flashback, 2 ang Corazon, yung isang taga maynila at yung isa obvious na gusto siya. Now gusto ni manuel si azon, that’s the girl’s nick pero gusto din nung isa pa nilang guy friend si domingo. Ayun. Tas si azon, nagging mutya ng place nila then gusto sanang isayaw ni manuel pero takot siya.. tht night pumunta si azon to say goodbye and even invited him to go with them pero since takot si manuel he obviously can’t so azon gave her half the necklace she was wearing and if mabuo yun meaning magkita ulit sila, sila talaga. Sabi din ni manuel na one day maisasayaw din siya.Ok time flies by at nag graduate na sila. Pumasok sa army sina manuel and domingo. Ayun… war time eto tas yun ditto na namatay si polo nung na capture sila ng Japanese. Then si manuel napunta sa hospital kung saan nagtatrabaho si Corazon na nurse… siya yung may gusto kay manuel, ayun may nanagyari sa kanila tas napreggy siya then nagpakasal sabi ni manuel wala na daw si azon, then ayaw niya isayaw si corazon may symbolical meaning pala yung bubong na sira tapos inayos daw ni mark kasi one night sabi ni Corazon na sabi daw ni manuel aayusin niya lahat pero di nangyari yun kasi mahal pa rin niya si azon. Edi yun nanganak na nga si Corazon tas iniwan niya para magkaroon ng space iniwan niya nag kalahati ng picture nila and if that will be mabubuo, they are really for each other. With that she left. Nakita ni manuel yung sulat but not the letter na napulot ng kanyang anak na itinago niya.
Back to the present, pinuntahan ni old manuel ang dating bahay ni Corazon pero la na siya tas sinindo siya ng kanyang anak [rod] and apo [kyle] nag alit yata sa mga kotse. Ayun nagpunta sila ng baguio and legaspi habang kinukwento niya ang kanilang love story ni Corazon [yung 2 ha,] tas akala ni rod na si azon ang hinahanap. Then nung nasa albay na sabi ni old manuel balik na sila and leave it all to fate.
Sa kanilang part eng world, nagsusulat si Corazon[yung mom ni rod] ng letters to find manuel. Ayun. Nga tas nakita ng isang program na nagrereunite ng mga nagkahiwalay then yun. Si kyle ang unang nakakita kay Corazon and she gives the picture tas yun nag reunite sila and si rod nakatanggap ng sulat [from his mother na nalate lang ng konte] na hinahanap nga siya tas yun sa hospital yun, si Corazon pala ang true love niya and hinahanap. Wow, sumayaw sila na hindi niya nagawa nun umiiyak na ako at his point.
Manuel also diedbut at least got his mission done. The other Corazon pala [first love] was the one who died early in the film.


-I already know agad na c Corazon na nanay ni rod ang hinahanap/ true love why?
*yung bahay na pinuntahan ay yung dati nilang bahay
*old manuel was singing her favorite song, bluemoon
*he said to rod “maiintindihan mo rin”
but I was confused kasi sa legaspi, sabi sa Corazon ay adventurous pointing out to azon. Ayun!
-I love the way they used things to symbolize their lifes. Mala serendipity wit a twist!!
-kahit na ano palang mangyari si manuel and Corazon parin kasi diba kahit walang tv the letter would arrived. Talagang sila. Pure destiny. Meant for each other.
- I like what Corazon nung nurse pa siya said “true love ang hindi namamatay” and I agree!
-I also like what kyle said that bluemoon is all about 2nd chances. Proves just that.
-hindi ito ang normal kilig story kasi basta iba siya.
-naiyak ako sa last part yung finally naisayaw na si Corazon kasi sabi niya nung di diya naisayaw “lahat ay tamang tama, sayang, sana maulit. And it did after nga lang ng mag 50 years. Naiiyak talaga ako imagine!!
-true loves comes only once in a blue moon.
-naiiyak ako kasi alam ko hindi ito pwedeng manyari sa real life
-all in all, I love this film
-one question, kelan kaya narealize ni manuel na true love niya si Corazon??

Current mood: amazed at fate/destiny

Our field trip

Whew… our EOP was over… finally! But it was all good and fun. Want to know what happen? Ok! Kwento na to! [educational outbound program]

The bus trip: syempre saan pa ba mas magandang simula kundi sa simula. Nways, dumating ako ng 4:45 am. Nakita ko agad ang bus namen at sumakay ako. Isa pa lang ang classmate ko na andun pero umaapaw na ang mga kashare namen sa bus. Kwento kwento. Tapos dumating din si LBM girl. Ahaha!! Joke lang. ayun. Ay mayroon din palang blopper nun, yung bulaga!! Tuloy tuloy lang ang mga pangyayari hanggang sa mapuno ang bus. Tapos naghahanap ako ng araw pero ala eh. Di pa sumisikat! At sa wakas, after 7 years, umalis na kami. Ang masaklap ay hindi pa kami umaabot sa expressway ay inaatake na ang biyahilo ang katabi ko. Sabi ko hawag kang susuka dahil ihuhulog kita sa bus! At hindi nga natuloy. Samantala ako ay natulog muna dahil naaamoy ko na na nakakapagod ang mga next events.

Nung nasa nlex na kami, nagpapasa ng chizwiz and classmate ko tapos liver spread! Ay breakfast in bus! Solid astig. Ayun kumain kami tapos nagstopover ang supot ng pandesal samin at hindi na nakaalis kasi inubos na namen lahat!! Haha… ayun. Di ako nakuntento binuksan ko ang mini-ruffles ko. Ayun maya maya manila na kame, nag eenjoy kami sa mga billboards ng kung ano anong products. Ok nabuhay na ako dito at minsan nadaanan namen ang ibang bus. Feeling artista kaway ng kaway!! Haah… dumaan kami sa gma7 at nakakita kami ng ob van ng abs-cbn. Ayus. Tapos ngayon ko lang nalaman na magkatabi ang rustan’s, starmall at robinson’s pioneer. Pagkatapos ng marami pang malls, buildings at highways. Nasa slex na kami! Ayan nag stopover na finally, punta kaming treats at wala lang, nagpalibre ako ng lollipop at bumalik na ang bus. Ok! Tuloy na ang bus trip. Ayan,,, napunta na kami ng laguna. Ok lang cia civilized and yun. Basta ordinary place lang cia. Uh, at that moment friends, 5 hours na kaming nakaupo sa bus at there’s no sign na bababa kami soon. So mukhang pancakes na ang butt ko. Tapos nag lecture na ang aming guide at sorry to say ha, hindi siya magiging magaling na tour guide kasi utal siya!! Haha. At last after an hour dumating na kami pero nauna yung isang bus so sa kabila kami. Yung driver, hindi ko alam kung adik or wat pero sa bawat curve at maraming curve ha!! Lalo yatang bumibilis kaya ang effect, helo helo ako!! Ok! Baba na finally…. Tinry ko na mag cr kaso nakita ko yung cr nasa cliff at iniisip ko kung ilang tao na ang nag cr at nahulog dun.

The 1st lake: lake calibato actually, ineexpect ko na mala forest effect ang view pero nung kababa ko, shet! Ang baho!! TAPOS yung view ay isang area used for quarrying. May maganda actually pero basta di ko ma explain. Ok, lakad lakad tapos pababa yung steps and maliit ang steps!! Ayan adventure na may tubig tubig na and ofcourse! The risk na magslide ka. Ang babato ng lugar tapos di mo alam jinojoke ka pla nung bato at bibigay siya! Ok. Muntikan na ako pero naabot ko rin yung lake without any disaster happening to me. It was ok. Lake cia tapos may mga bahay and nagraraft!! Yun lang, ok!! The trip back was harder dahil hinihingal na ako!!

We took refuge in the bus and ate my super cold lunch. I wasn’t satisfied in any way. How pathetic. Labo!

2nd and 3rd lake: it was so far!! We literally have to go trekking and endless walking!! My my my!! And then we arrived at the lake pandin but we still have to go up so I’ll leave the story there later. Gagad kami so nagalis kami agad ng sapatos eh mamaya pa pla!! We proceeded to the upper lake, yes there still is!! Naku, it was the hardest part kasi may tale na!! we are going uphill!! And they way was really pataas like those of a mountain. The rope pa naman was so flexible, matabig lang ng isa it will follow,,, and they way was sosteep and high!! Nax puxa! Nevertheless I managed. Tapos ayun there are some parts na super dulas and I just didn’t think im gonna make it!! Shet talaga,,, bangin babagsakan koh!! Then yun finally naabot namen ang taas na talagang napakataas….we could see the overview of the lake yambo the 3rd lake, by the way… kambal pala yung 2 lake…. Lovers daw cila…. Okey after some story telling by our lola basyang,,, baba na… ayan na naman…. Kelangan kong kumapit kay gelo kasi super mahuhulog talaga ako!! Ayun success although muntik muntikanan na ahhaah…. Ligo na toh!! Balik kami sa 2nd lake…. Ayan…. Ang saya kase nagtampisaw kami… ahaha… ang basa talaga… and yung lake nay un pla ay mababaw lang sa side then biglang lalalim haha… muntik na naman akong madisgrasya kasi I forgot that!! Pumunta ako sa malalim… tapos mabato yung lupa nagslide ako and everytime I try to get up but nasusugat ako sa paa… so bute nakatayo parin ako.. ayun… ligo, basahan picture pala!! Haha… wid sr dheck as the official photographer and nurse and bear!! Haha… tapos rafting wow! Super it was mah first time and yun after wearin jackets, game na!! ang saya saya talaga! Iba yung feeling eh!! Yung raft nababasa ng tubig pero hindi kayo totally basa tapos ang sabi yung lalim nglake ay equal sa 6 tall coconuts… then bumaba na kami… ang lamig ng tubig!! Wow talaga.. tas yun…. Balik na sa bus to change….

Blooper: as I was walking with my trusty old tsinelas, suddenly sa sobrang ano nung mud, naiwan yung slippers tapos naka apak na ako eh wala na pala sa paa ko.,…haay.,..

Yun, nagpalit kami sa bus and ayun! Kinarir ha!! Dun nagpalit pati panty haha!! And yung driver pala di bumaba!! Haha… bastos!! Labo.
Ayun after din ng bois proceed na sa last lake….. sa civilized place napala toh!! Kain kain muna,,, pangrestore ng energenes…

Sampalok lake: thr biggest one, eto asensado…. May viewing deck siya and sa tabi ng parang town square… ayun we are not satisfied kaya bumaba pa kami and dun kami mismo sa tabi ng tubig,, ah may viewing deck then but if u wid just see it, at sa dami ng tao na nandun.. any minute parang babagsak but it was a great view ha… ganda talaga and ang lamig.. picture picture ulet then it started to rain… oh by the way, it was here wer u can borrow bike and go biking… but we didn’t, it was raining nga,,, we climbed steps ng parang ka2lad ng sa grotto sa baguio. Then bus na…. hhaaayyy,,,

Trip back home: Stopover sa collets para pasalubong, ayun.. ganun lang pala ang collets… akala ko may restaurant na o kung anuman…. Turns out wala lang.,,,, it just like a sari sari store…. Ngek!!
Ayan, low batt na talaga ko so I decided to sleep…. Zzzzhhh…. I woke up and it was the last stopover for the trip.,, wid lara and ryan ayun… cr and buy sa mcdo…. Cinnamon sticks rox!! Yumyum and so is mcdo… tas yun…. Nadaanan naming ang brent international school haha.. and on our way to manila na… I saw dasma, Corinthian gardens… akala ko galante yung labas, yun pala… ala lang,… maganda pa entrance ng village namen eh!! Tas yun, enjoy sa mga billboards and everything…..araneta din plaa!! Haha…. Yuin…. Kuya rjay and dexter had to say goodbye kasi sa manila na talaga sila.,… kaya yun…. Wala lang.,.. kwntuhan to d max and pahinga….
Tas angeles na… we are watching gulong ng palad yung nadapa c tin sa putik…. Ayun… tas hinatid na ako,,,, bye bye na!!
This is just a passing entry as I am in a hurry to do things. La lang… rushed!!

--- anyways… im amazed right now. A friend of mine told me she could play drums and that she actually plays in a band! To which I am green with envious kasi I can’t for the life of it play drums or any musical instruments! That pains me to torments!!

Music never even considered giving me a sprinkle of it’s beauty. Know why? Yes, I can memorize all those notes and melody but never let me put them in practice!! Kainis nga, bakit ganun? I love to learn and play guitar or piano or drums which totally rocks for me eh!! So maybe that’s why im so addicted to band now… because of their great capacity not only to sing BUT play instruments much more, write songs.. galing nila noh??

Current mood: amazed and cursed~!
The world of insane people

Im reading a book right now and im inspired by it. It’s about a girl who wants to die but then her plans are interrupted and is now given a few more days to live which leaves her wondering if she had really done the right thing.

I believe that people often get tired of routine. So they try to have alternatives and seek to do things the other way around. Don’t you think this people are insane? Trying to do things, which in a way can be considered WRONG.

Understanding life is really a big problem don’t you think so? We all only have our present which is very brief and then before you know it, present is already past and you? You are standing there all alone, still wrapped up in that moment when you are still trying to fathom things, it suddenly leaves you behind.

Take for instance, a tie… why has it been called a tie? Can’t we call it just a piece of colorful cloth wrapped around the neck to make you breath abnormally? Why does tie have to be formed?

Being insane, I suppose is a way easier living than this life. When you are one, you’re free to everything you wished. No one stops you for they understood the fact you are sick. But are you really one? If you run the risk of being different. Yes you are and I congratulate you for that. Insane people are better because they dare to be different, see how far they can go and that’s what sets them apart.

Current mood: insane

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Life as it is

Gemini is playing on my computer. Amidst much (and when I say too much it literally means thousands of times) airplay, I never gotten myself over this song! I dunno… the song looks like it has been made for me. Aww.. haha… the beat, lyrics, melody, meaning everything really makes my heart melt. Besides the fact that Yael sings it. Yeah, I just love it period!

Basta yung way ng pagkaka drums eh super astig, ramdam mo talaga yung kanta and yung boses super di ko ma explain pero alam niyo yun yung, wow!! And the lyrics are so emotional, haha… im being redundant here but yun talaga!! Masyadong madrama yung kanta and I think that what struck me to like it!

Okeiz, enough about them. Test is over and the result is not too good for me. Especially Christian living education and Filipino. I have a high risk of having a score below 70 out of the coveted 100 points test. And it is just because of sheer stupidity! I mean how stupid could I just get? I could now see it! My grades slipping down and swirling in the ground! Oh and chemistry! Balancing was so punyeta!!! I didn’t finish!! Shet!!! And that’s two poits each so that means -16 na agad ako in addition to my would be mistakes!! Haaayy,,, not too good. Anyways, I hope it won’t go down that loooowww….. ohhh.. im scared…. Im not satisfied with this test!!!

Monday, January 09, 2006

We part only to meet again

The mighty boundless waves may come; remembrance of it shall bring you near
And I will with you, go forever.
And at midnight’s silent hour
When brilliant planets shall guide the ocean
The name shall rise to heaven’s highest star
And mingle with my soul’s devotion.

I noticed the poem during one of my silent sessions and it really struck me.
It was of course by Edgar Allan Poe, which sadly was not completed.

I dunno why but every time I read these verses as if my heart is being tormented. Freaky huh? Yes it sure does.

Anyways,, im currently reviewing for our prelims… still…still… so I won’t be able to post until maybe Wednesday and this coming Friday is our educational outbound trip to Laguna. Seven lakes to be exact.

Ei, it’s only a few months before this schoolyear finally ends and summer is near. Im being a paranoid here! Christmas vacation was just over duh!! The lessons are crazy just like me. Im lost. Heavily. So now what do I do? No really, what??

Uhm… I think im gonna have a career in comedic acts. Oh my… first of all check out the new template of my blog!! The beauty of ownership!! Ehee,,, but there’s no pix yet. I am yet to learn how to! It’s also in my feel good color, stylistic black! Uhum!! Now I seriously believe I can be a comedian. I barely recall the no. of times I made my classmates and friends laugh.

Anyways, what made me smile or smirk is this certain group of friends… let’s not name them!! It all started with their goal to have one t-shirt, all of the same design. Sort of like a uniform… then after that, for Christmas someone gave the 17? Or less a belt that had all the same design. As if it wasn’t enough, they all wore the same huge pearl bracelets given again as a gift. I just wondered what would they looked like have they decided to wear the same t-shirt, belt and bracelet? Hmmm.. Food for though yan. Ay! They also have the same flurry and hairy kind of ball pen. And yep, they all use it! Cute noh?!

Friday, January 06, 2006

me and my friend Posted by Picasa
People! Just dropped by to say hello to everyone who happened to pass by my blog!!!

Hmmm.. Im advertising here...

Those who want to relive the undying love and tragedy of Romeo and Juliet may come and watch the play at AFT Theater on January 14 that’s a Saturday…. and continues until February 19… im not sure! It starts yan yuzon and irina feleo and is directed by Steven uy. Their will be a gala night on Jan. 12 wherein pupil and sponge cola who sang the play’s theme song “Gemini” will have a mini concert after the play.

Please support it.

For those who are part of the sponge cola mailing list. You are all entitled to a discounted ticket just type blah blah blah….. to blah blah blah….. that’s it

I feel reticent doing this, honestly. Oh well… I hope you watch! It’s very promising.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Post script! Post script!

I know this is kinda late but let me at least retaliate everything and everyone that made me stay alive this year.

The start of 2005 was not good, in fact it was even the worst year ever in my life. The 1st quarter and half of the second was full of anger, sorrow, pain and anguish.
Many changes had to be done. Some hurting me and some hurting other people but then these changes have just to be made. Like its stimulus or whatever you call it.

But then it wasn’t all pain and tears cause slowly now im regaining everything that has been taken away from me. They might not be the same things but I can safely say they are equal in value or even more. I can now swim the ocean without choking and fear of drowning. I can now leave the island halfway to be able to go somewhere else. I was able to overcome so many things and im grateful for that.

I know the world has to move on and I have to go with it but before that, I want to take this opportunity to mention some people and things that I believe had somehow helped me reached this point of serenity and tranquility in my life now. Without them, I guess my metamorphosis wouldn’t have been completed and I molded.

Uhm… I guess the best person to start with would be my mom. She has always accepted and forgiven me inspite of everything (and when I mean everything, god know what these things are). She never fails to teach me life’s lesson and I would always be grateful for that. No matter how strict she is, behind that façade is a true mom who would always love her child-no matter what life brings. Dad comes next cause though he is desserts away, he never fails to check-up on me.

Friends (kim, mela, najee, dane, ryan, the whole psalms). They had always made my day a whole lot better with their crazy antiques and weird quirks. They are always the person you can count on whenever, whichever. That’s for sure. I believe that life always gets better when you have someone near you. I’ve never been wrong.

My family that includes lola and the loving uncles and aunties and psychedelic cousins and my pamangkins. I love you simply for giving me money when I need them most. For bringing me my favorite shoes and clothes. Haha!! Joke!! Ofcourse, for the most of my life, you’ve never been around but I hope that someday we’d be together and never part again. Hmmm.. maybe in 5-6 years time… to my pamagkins,, haayy… when I grow a little older and I’ve gotten a better job I would be able to buy and give decent gifts for you all. :)

To other people who have made 2005 a good/bad year for me, thank you still for without you my year would not have been completed. For all the lessons and experience you taught me, at least I should say thanks.

I just hope that this firedog year brings me better luck than last year. *wink*
Today, my cousins are now leaving.

Two weeks seems to have jumped off a cliff.
It was just then when they arrived from the states and we are having fun in boracay and now we just said our goodbye to each other. Hush-hush. It hurts me especially that I get to see them for only 2 weeks and we have to wait like a year again (that Is if they’re coming) or after 5 years and im not so sure if im still here either. Who knows we might all be there together heehee!

Im surely gonna miss Christian and his hyper antics…. My super gwapo cousin junior who hugged me twice and said I love you too to me. Incest here! And of course Kathleen..

I feel like crying but I don’t want to cry. There is already too much drama here and the world doesn’t need any more. I think im gonna make it but every time I remember, tears start to fall. That’s it! Im letting them fall. It happens only once in a blue moon. Im already missing them. My room now is suffering an extra huge case of flashflood.

I wish im in states already.

Monday, January 02, 2006

The best New Year

I just had the best New Year ever for a long time. I guess it’s because many of my long lost finally found relatives came back home. I was able to see my huge cousins and super kulit cousin parin plus my uncles and aunties I last saw 9 years ago.

We had lots of fireworks! Even before midnight tick tock we already finish then up. But they are safe. Free flowing watusi and poppers that looked like garlic were given to children even adults!! We even throw them at atchi lorelie who avenged by throwing some at us as well. Even uncle dado was dancing when we scratched the watusis. There was this butterfly firecracker that flies and this piccolo but it was not good the products I mean. there was also the judas belt which made my eardrums almost split. Ofcourse we also have lusis and fountains. It was soo much fun. We bought again at around 11am and all in all spend around p3500 for fireworks alone. We finish up at around 1 am and started ytaking pictures for the hundredth time around
Latest blog:
Oh my… due to inevitable constraints, this will be my latest blog…
Date: dec. 26 2005
And I have lots of kwentos….. let’s begin

When the school was still alive.. then I hope it will never resurrect again, I told everyone how busy we all are well… the contests all went well…

The choral fest though we weren’t chosen was really good. We had practices for only 2 days but that was one hella fun. The song really reminds me of cold Christmas nights “paglamig ng hangin, hatid ng pasko… nangugulila sa king gunita.. ang mga nagdaang natin pasko….” There we were the only one who presented a very gloomy song but we got the most applause. :)

At the same time was the giant lantern making contest. We again didn’t won. What they had forgotten to tell us is that they need the most trashed-looking lantern one could ever make. I should have just stole all the wrappers and empty bottles here. But on the good side, proverbs our sister room won finally! After months of long drought…

Walk for a cause… I woke up at around 5:00 because my service said he’s going to pick me up at 5:30 but guess what? At 6:00 I was still home. Anyways arriving at the scene, I saw stalls selling yummy puto bumbong but I just couldn’t eat yet. We are walking how many meters so I might get problems… so at 7am ¼ of the entire population of my school yes! That few… walked around the commercial district of our city…. Haaayy… tiring!! While the rest was at school not sweating and catching their breath.

Xmas party… it was cool! Our class had really enjoyed the game like the card relay and funny bone eheeh!!! The human trip to Jerusalem which I took part to was really unique. We also have the year end awardees which was all for those really stupid incidents…. Next came the exchange gift that was soooo dry… then we eat! The baked spareribs and tropical chicken was realllyyy yummy!!! And after this came the most boring afternoon. I went out to give my tokens to my friends and even receive my own present given by erherm najeee!! Hehe.. Jason also gave me a peck on my cheeks and so did najee!! Ehehe… :) we also watched this battle of the bands which did nothing but to hurt my eardrums so we just have to go… at 3:15 it was time to go and see each other next year….
I must be making a fool out of myself here….

Trying to update my blog every so often huh? Nevertheless, this is what I was born to do guys so please, just bear with me!

I am currently munching on French fries and caramel ice cream from guess where... JOLLIBEE! Imagine the long queue waiting for your order to be taken and then deciding just to have it as a “take out” taena.
Somebody also stole my dream Cadbury; I left it in the fridge last night.

I went out of the house and drag my way to the nearest mall when I suddenly felt something was TOTALLY wrong!! And im very correct. I didn’t have my bag with me. Ha-ha... Goddamit! How am I suppose to go to a mall without my fucking bag!!! So I turn around once again and returned for that stupid absent-minded bag.. shit shit shit!

And upon entering the mall, I was immediately overwhelm by the great smell of coffee and rum cake.. starbucks here I come!! I didn’t mind that I only have p2ooo on my wallet which im about to regret.
Big brown box

I just finished hauling all my stuff for my Christmas cleaning. You know, dusting everything and deciding whether it meets its fate on the big brown box or the trash bin. Christmas spirit is really round the house already!!

As I opened a dusty old shoebox… there was a lot of dust obviously! And lots of papers and cards. Hmm,,, my memory box! It’s been a long time since I last opened this!!

Piles and heaps of letters and post came scrambling as the box gave away. Wow! There are soo many letters I don’t know where to start!

Then like a time warp, I began to walk down my own memory lane and started reminiscing. With each inhale of air, the environment changes and brings me back to my freshmen year and when I exhale, im my old self again.

“I'm here to love you, to hold you in my arms and to protect you. I’m here to learn from you and to receive your love in return. I’m here coz there's no other place to be.” –message in a bottle
Dec. 06
The pains of being human

Why does emotional pain can’t kill? Im tired, sicked, and exhausted from everything this world have to offer!!! We never die out of pain but sometimes like now I wish I just could! The worst pains are even sometimes those that doesn’t have any remedy… and that is not comforting to know.

And I just came to realize that happiness is filled with so many paradox we mortals can’t just ride on. It’s like for a second you are very happy but then you suddenly realize that it will not stay long or something bad is bound to happen since a good thing occurred! See? We people understand that happiness never last long, long enough for us to hold on to it. Sighs.

Why does it looks so different from here? I wish I never have to grow up man, then I really would still have laugh at 500 things/day than now at 50 or less. There always come a time when we have to chose the road to maturity or be left behind forever trapped in childhood. This I believe one of the most hardest decision ever to come to humans. Another sigh

Time is one of our greatest enemies, I believe. With us aging, everything growing old and of course everything coming to an end. Time is never enough and would never agree with us.

“It's funny how we set qualifications for the right person to love while at the back of our minds we know that the person we truly love will always be an exception.” –Ally Mcbeal
Dec. 05
The countdown begins

My head is throbbing.

You know trying to understand this molar mass and Avogadro’s number is really mind and brain cell squeezing!! Haay,,, thank god calculator’s were made for a reason.

On top of that, I have to vocalize for our upcoming and non-progressive choral fest. Shitz! It’s always been like this! The contest was a week away and we haven’t accomplished a single thing!! Even the contest piece itself!! You know this school really sucks. Imagine we have eight sections using all precious time and energy practicing and only two would continue in the finals! How pathetic!! I am seriously considering to just back-out than to be embarssed and pressured! We also have this gigantic lantern making contest! Just because this is pampanga doesn’t mean we have to partake in these hula balopa!!
Sis. Ida morin, I know you have a very kind heart and have the best intentions for the school but I don’t want you here cause I have to walk like 5 miles on the day of Christmas party?? And with our super baduy jogging pants and centennial t-shirt!! Wow! And you treat us as if we’re all part of the justice league think spiderman, captain planet and batman!!

And, and the names of all people close to me now surfaces with their goofy grins since it’s gift-giving season once again. Sighs. That’s the reason why my head was throbbing. I am tired, exhausted and now bloked!! What more could I asked for?? Well, lola is coming home so she just provide ample moolah or I’ll scream!!
Dec. 04 2005
I have nothing to do again so im updating my blog… as usual and you know guys, I don’t really know if im making any sense here… am I? I mean I think I just ramble on and on with my stuff and endless kwentos here.. there is no profundity! Anyways, who are really those deep persons?? Huh??

Someone had told me a story about our friend who was stucked at a ministop with his friend and a group of haggard looking blood-shot eyes boys who kept saying “mamatay kana!”. Our friend was looking at them kasi and was giving them the strange and petrified look so ayun… he just wants to run away but his friend has “rayuma” so know what he did? He grabbed at the tray and prayed he wouldn’t have to use it ha-ha!!! Thankfully, he really didn’t use it. Wush!

And my interest was rouse by tanghalang ateneo’s play entitled “nasan si kaliwete?” hmmm.. Pretty pathetic if you asked me but hovering over the press release…it made me change my mind. The play talks about the urban people and the economic problems of the depression period. Well, in my opinion they could just taped what’s happening outside their gates and they could get more realistic and dramatic scenes there. Haha,, well, I think that it’s a good play and must see. Think im advertising them? Well shut it out dude!! I just happened to love the school and the topic whaha!!

“im scared…of not being with you” –a walk to remember
Non-progressive blues

Whew… one of the most hatest season of the year. This is the time when everyone is in a rush and no one knows what he or she is to do, forgets it and walks away.
This December itself, we have the following activities that are all to be held before dec. 16 when school officially closes for the holidays.

English week
Math-science week
Choral fest practices
Tagisan ng talino
Choral fest elimination
Choral fest finals

How are we suppose to finish all these extra-curricular activities in barely 2 weeks? They must have their heads super cracked! In addition to that my dear friends, we still have the undying team-ups of assignments, quizzes, projects, research and reports to still worry about. So what’s up with this school? Earth to hfa and Ida Morin!! Heller? I don’t believe that education was liked this back then! Isn’t simplicity the way of st. benedict?

Blue Periwinkle

…hi guys…

It’s been a long time since I wrote something here…. Well ok lang ang mga happenings ngayon…

For once… advent na which means Christmas Is round the corner na!! whohoo!! Boracay bound na ako… whohoo… ang saya!!!
And sa school gosh!! Ang daming extra curricular activities ngayon!! Shino-shorten period nga ang mga subjects to pave way for them like the lantern-making contest tapos choral fest then walk for a cause pa namen then operation joy and Christmas party shet!!! By the way, we lose sa play.

Ang Christmas wish ko ay sana makapunta ako sa Disneyland Hongkong… or kahit sa hongkong lang!! may magbibigay pa ng pera sakin?? Haay… I long to shopped there…

And I really like this model ornussa cadness!! Shet!! She’s a goddess!! Ang ganda ganda niya!! And she’s just not sexy!! Toned pa ang kanyang mga muscles!! Perfect figure talaga siya!! Wow!!

I went to the paskuhan village last nov. 26 para sa annive celeb ng isang radio station and they featuring 3 bands namely hale, mymp and ofcourse!! SPONGECOLA!! Ganyan ang order of performance nila and yael’s guitar even lose a string haha!! Litte quirks,,, hehe…

And may special friend ako ngayon, actually crush ko siya!! Initials: NJ hehehe!!! Cute siya pwomise and he looked like the drummer of my fave band!! (Hamlet!)

“You cannot find true love where it does not truly exist. And you cannot hide it where it truly does.” –kissing a fool