AN OLD LETTER TO A DISTANT FUTURE

So while fixing my old files, I stumbled upon the drafts of my letters for my future family. This is actually a part of a lifeplan project that I did for Sociology class back then in junior year at UST. We had to make a whole book about our life beginning from our graduation, career, family, future and even death plans. This one's my letter to my future husband which never fails to make my friends teary-eyed whenever they read it.

Dear Future Husband of Mine,

By the time, you maybe reading this, I would no longer be able to accompany you in our long walks and star gazing moments under the big yellow moon. I would not be there by your side when you wake up in the morning and I would not be there to kiss you goodnight, most of all I wont be there to see you smile and cry and hug you when you feel afraid and weak.

Thank you for all the memories that we’ve shared together, thank you for sharing your life with me and making it the happiest days of my life.

The time has come for me to depart this world, the world will eventually get tired of me and you will get tired of me too and the letters would mean nothing. I will get tired of myself and die.. but I will never get tired of you. For you, there will be no endings. I will be like your flower in the sky and I will endure hundreds of light years until boundaries disappear. I will form new images and constellations with your images in my mind—sitting, dancing and sleeping. There will be many stars in the sky but I will see nothing but you.

I will forever hold your hand and I will say your name over and over again… you know I will never go far but there is no need for my return for I have never left.. Of all the destinations in the world, always remember that I only long to be lost in the gaze of your eyes, lost among your thoughts as you are already in mine. My life started when I loved you.. and that’s how I wanted it to end..

There is no stopping the future my sweetheart and I just want our love story to come full circle. I want it to end where I started loving you. That is to remind us that it was a good life and our love.. our love was the best. Thank you for sharing the best moments with me sweetheart. Our love will endure even when we will not—always remember that.

The Nursing Licensure Exam Post

Yes, late as it might seem I am still going to post something about this!

So we decided to stay in a hotel because the school where I am supossed to take it was very far and I don't want to add more pressure on my nerves by being late. We were there by friday afternoon and I could remember that it was a rainy day. When we arrived, I immediately ate my packed snacks while watching TV. Then we went out to eat dinner. I remember not being able to sleep well (who would be able to sleep well rigggggghht?) and I didn't even review. I was so nervous, my heart will burst out any moment. LOL.

Day 1:
I woke up early because it was very very cold!! I forced myself to take a bath and go down to have my breakfast. The food was so good but all I can taste is MS, OB, PSYCH, CHN and FNP. lol. When I arrived there, there was a really loooooooong line of people waiting to enter. My room was almost full and I was one of the last to arrive (you see, that is the down time of being so near the place, you feel you will not be late because you are just in the vicinity only to still arrive late kkkkkkk!) and my instinct was to make friends with people sharing my last name! Because HEY!! it is not everyday that you see 5-8 people all sharing your last name! But they all looked like they are about to be slaughtered so I just shut my mouth. Looking around the room, I realized that I am lucky to be in St. Joseph College because the room was airconditioned and there was even a water dispenser! Thank you Lord for those small comforts in life while my other friends are in public schools where they are dying of humid and all they had were chairs fitted for preschool people!
When I was finally given my paper, I DIED. I had to read the first question for like 5 minutes and look at the questions after then back to the question. It was so hard! FNP is so freaking hard! :( This part is super hard!! The CHN-OB-PEDIA part was the easiest part for me and this has always been my forte!! I went home for lunch (I forgot what I had, I think its jollibee?) and came back for the real war. MS! but OMO SESANGNE, it had all this ENTREPRNURSE thingy and my head was starting to hurt from all this reading and thinking. Really, the questions would consist of 5 sentences long paragraph and when you read the question, you would be like "HUH? why like that?" LOL Moments! One thing that got me very hysterical was a question about Meniere's disease and I coulndn't remember the answerrrrrrr! BOO! So I finished early I think and raced back home to grovel. I ate dinner (For the love of sanity, yes its jollibee again, same food also) and instead of reviewing, I surfed the net, downloaded all Hyun Bin stuffs while watching PGT specials! I slept late again!

Day 2:
Day 2 was more relaxed because I have conquered the first 3 tests and I am just hours away from ending this trial. I woke up, showered and ate breakfast heartily now. I like their breakfast! It was EAT ALL YOU CAN pala btw. lol I was early today and so was the proctor and he chatted with us while waiting for the papers. He told us that we could be teachers and lawyers and whatever else if we didn't have any jobs soon. He was so funny, he took all the nervous energy from us! When the test started, I was less nervous but not so confident also. Test 5 was the hardest for this day and I was so drained by the 80th question I can feel my brain literally crawling to the 100th question. I didn't even review my answers and just submitted my paper. I went to the CR, changed clothes and checked out with mom. Then it was time to go home and wait for 2 months as PRC/BON decides on my license.

As I looked back, I always believe that I would pass the exam. Even when I know that I got most of the answers on the THINK. NOTHING COMES TO MIND. GUESS theory, I had strong beliefs that I would be able to make it. Blame it maybe for the Thomasian Upbringing and for my sure confidence but yeah, I nailed this test. But that is not enough for me to change my mind on what I said before that it is indeed that 500 HARDEST QUESTIONS A NURSE WOULD HAVE TO ANSWER IN HIS/HER LIFE.

FAST FORWARD TO AUGUST 20 2011
Someone texted me that resuts would come out at around 4pm and I was out with my Korean students at this time. I am so nervous and excited suddenly that I lost all my focus and energy to play with them. Finally when we are on our way to drop them off, my friend said the results can now be viewed. Upon reaching E4U, I went online and saw 99.79% passing rate for UST! We already know beforehand that one of us wasn't able to finish the test so this just means one thing! I PASSED! but ofcourse, I want to see my name first and didn't want to assume anything. I raced to a computer shop and in my excitement looked at DECEMBER 2010 results! I almost cried when I didn't see my name but when I didn't see my friend's names either, that's when I realize that I was in the wrong site. LOL.

Hello October!

I know that I should have updated my blog eons ago (since I promised when I revived this) but right after boards, I got so busy with work, waiting for results and then work again in another setting. I am so blessed that up to this point, I don't know what did I do to deserve such huge amount of blessigs!

This part chronicles my adventures when I was looking for a job for my bum months after the licensure exams!

So okey, let's start, days before taking the board exam. I am deathly afraid of being a bum after it that I spend many days looking for a prospective job instead of reviewing. My choices? Be a call-center agent or a tutor/Korean teacher. The latter seems more enticing because as much as possible, I want to stay away from that field. I won't be able to stand the killer schedule. So to the Koreans I go! I applied to 3 schools and all 3 called me back! The first one was good but it was very far from my house and pay was kinda bad too. So I went to the next school and this is where I would have wanted to work since the school is just starting and I would be one of the first teachers! Plus, the test score that I got was one of the highests I ever had! He told me to come back after my board exam. But, I now remember that before I went to that school, I also applied in another school that was very near my house (like 15 mins. away) and also passed the exam and interview! (The interview was very weird I tell you people!) I didn't expect to be calleed back since in the interview, I wasn't able to answer one question!The question? "what is the difference between LOOK, SEE and WATCH? lol but on July 1, they did call me back for an orientation. Now, I know that I like the 3rd school better but the owner said that he would just call me back after my boards. And that to me, didn't sound too appealing. Plus, my mother said that I should go with whoever comes first since that is a sure job. So in the end, yes, I chose to work in E4U English Center.

And I had no regrets choosing to work there. Why? Lemme enumerate them for you

• I met a lot of new friends
• A lot of good and not so good memories
• My students all love me and I believe they learned a lot from me!
• It is at this place when I learned I passed the Licensure exam
• This job led me to my next job
  

My Current Addiction: The Hallyu Wave

So, instead of studying my head and butt off for the boards, here I am hopelessly captured by this series. I know I sweared to high heavens I will be a topnotcher and all but I can be a topnotcher while still enjoying life right? And life for me nowadays is drowning myself in this very thing I again vowed never to be a part of-- the Hallyu wave.
The addiction started in our condo while the summer review was ongoing and since seeing the pilot episode, I was hooked. Kim Joo Won is my type of guy to hate and love. He is rude and talkative and a brat (with great emphasize on brat again) but Hyun Bin plays him so well so he's now LOVEABLE. lol And I love the body-swapping experience it makes me fall out of my seat laughing again and again! Ha Ji Won is good as well but Hyun Bin is the best in gender-bending scenes.
Ofcourse, the plot is a cliche most of the time but the drama infused both old and new antics which was made me cried and laughed with it as well.
And the ending? Definitely one of the most heart-touching and heart-fluttering that I've seen. A wedding (that didn't seem like one and is rare in K-dramas), beautiful children and a story to seal their fated love. I even love the part where up to the very end, the mother of Kim Joo Won never gave her blessing. It's such a wonderful reminder that even if all ends well, some bitterness would be hard to erase in the real world.
This series gave me a very very good summer and feeling that it merited a download from my laptop, Raleina Simone.
P.S. I am now in the process of learning Hangul! My ultimate dream is that one day, I can turn off the subtitles in my dvd and just listen to them talk. EPIC. AJA. FIGHTING!

The Summer of All Summers
Many times in my life I have said “ This is the most unforgettable summer I ever had” that in the end, I lost all the special meaning all those summers had for each summer memory simply surpassed the last one that I had. But for once, I believe that the summer of 2011 would go down as one of the most unforgettable summers that I wouldn’t and yes, couldn’t forget. This summer will define the rest of my Life.

For starters, the first summer that I didn’t leave Pampanga (and didn’t stay much in there either) for I was in Manila most of the time for our review. YES REVIEW. The sole reason why summer 2011 would be excruciatingly remarkable. The time when we dragged ourselves out of our beds by 6:30 am (unforgivable sin if done in summer) and go home severely exhausted. The first time I skipped and missed ALL of the summer trips and outings.

The summer when I constantly see my classmates and friends when I thought that summer is A TIME to miss this people. Seriously, I am already nauseous of their faces and presence! I celebrated birthdays with people born in April and May for the first (and well, LAST) time and said goodbye to a few friends who are off to a new life somewhere else (Lara Loon and our halaan dance)

The summer when I wasn’t able to relax at all for I constantly study, motivate, remotivate, pressure, nagged, weep for myself for this Licensure exam. Every single day only has one single goal: STUDY AND TOP THE BOARDS. STUDY AND TOP THE BOARDS. STUDY AND TOP THE BOARDS. STUDY AND TOP THE BOARDS. STUDY AND TOP THE BOARDS. STUDY AND TOP THE BOARDS. (Repeat until fade, that is how I now fall asleep!)

This summer is my crossroad. If I managed to get through this ordeal alive (and I have no other option but to be alive), I say hello to a new life where maybe, just maybe God would finally grant me the courage to go what I wanted for a long time. I finally close my college life goodbye and move on. So whatever life I would take from now until the day when I see my name in the PRC BOARD announcing what placer I am in the NLE and even after that; 5.. 15.. 20.. 40 years and counting.. I will always attribute it to the summer of 2011. THE GREAT SUMMER OF 2011.

FLEETING LIVES

If there was one concept, that at my age, I still have a hard time trying to understand, that would have to be the concept of death and dying. Even If I am in the medical field where death is a natural phenomenon and an everyday occurrence, it still never fails to puzzle me as to why does it occur and when it does, what is left for all of us?

I met B when I was roughly 10 years old and he was half my age. I saw him crying in a corner and when I approached him, he immediately cross the remaining distance and hugged me. And what was a confused 10 year old girl would do? Simple. She hugged him back. No words had to be uttered for everything has been said. And that started a friendship that would bring us forward to why I am standing here before you.

B has never been an aggressive, go-getter, do everything today kind of boy. He prefers to take slow but sure steps whenever he has goals. He was never in a hurry of his life. He savors every moment, every experience because he probably thought that he has a lifetime ahead to do whatever his heart desires. And most of us, thought of it that way. No one was prepared that he would be leaving us so soon. No one in his right mind would think that such a young fine boy would suddenly be gone and taken away forever. One moment he is a 15 year old boy bursting with dreams and aspirations then like a thief in the night, sickness came to take him away.

we are gathered here tonight I believe not because we are mourning for the death of a good friend, a good nephew, a good classmate or a good son. Yes, partly for that reason but we are crying not for him for he is now resting in the company of the Lord. We are crying because we are left. Left without him and to go on without his presence.

if there is one moment that would forever remind me of you B, that would be last summer. I was lounging around in your house to wait for your sister so that we could go out. You suddenly appeared next to my side and hugged me tight while making lambing "ate jackie, let's make those cookies na!" I remembered making a promise to him that I would bake cookies with him but at that time.. I was just too busy to be bothered so I sweetly said to him that next time we would bake for real. Ever the understanding child, he beso-ed me and quietly left the room. And that was the last time I ever saw his face.

what I learned from that is that we should cherish the people and the moments we have with them. For their could be another one after that. If only back then, I knew that there will be no more other chance, another date, I would have taken myself back against all odds back to that moment and baked those cookies with him. No matter how busy I am.

From this I realized with a broken heart that moments are all we'll ever have. So for us left here, let us not waste any more moments. Let's savor and treasure them for they are those that mean the biggest to us. Look at the person to your right and left, hug them.. kiss them and tell them how much they mean to you for it can be the last time you can tell them so.

B, I am still finding it hard to believe you were gone. I am 20 years old and you were only 15. You have so much life and opportunity going on for you. But God has many other plans that most of the time, humans have a hard time comprehending. And I am not to start questioning God why for there has never been a circumstance that I felt the need to do so For Great is Th heart of man but greater is the will of God.

I thank you for the friendship you have given me and for all the hugs and kisses you've given me that will mean more now that you are gone. The life you have lived was short but you inspired a lot of people.

Rest well now B and I will miss you forever. Blow me kisses from up there with kuya. The song might have ended but the music lingers on forever. I love you.

*a speech I made for a special friend of mine who passed away late last year which I read at his memorial and since a very angelic young boy passed away today, I finally thought of writing it down here and in a way, dedicating it to him too.

afterthoughts: I really really feel for his parents because I can't even begin to imagine what it feels like to come face to face to the fact that your son is dead and was gone too soon. I think I will never be able to handle it. My mom said to me once that she will die if anyone of us comes first before them since the normal order of things is that children outlived their parents. Sad sad sad day for many of the people today.

R.I.P. AJ Perez and B

Post-graduation Blues

I have just come from yet another round of all the graduation parties in honor of my friends who are truly free from college. And much as I am super happy that this part of their life is over and done with, I feel envious because they could finally put a period to this chapter in their life and move on. While I gets to spend an extra 4 months reviewing for the licensure exams and another 4 months waiting for the results. Waiting as I've always said is the most tiring thing to do especially if it will determine your 4 year's worth of tertiary education. I am confident that with God's grace I will be able to pull it off but well, I am sucky at pumping up my self-esteem. I want to move on and do those things that I love to do. I want to chase my other and REAL dreams. I want to put and end to this nursing choice and do what my heart's beating for and I can only truly do this once I passed my board exams. But passing isn't my only dream but to top it as well. (hence the picture of top 10 hehe)

My friends are all going into exciting new paths. One is going to med school, one is already working and would enter law school come June and two are just waiting for their contracts to be formalized. And me? well, I am the one who hadn't still really figured out what to do after all this nursing stuff. I sure don't want to stay at home 24/7 for that will definitely drive me and my mom crazy but I honestly don't know where to go from here. Maybe a few months after this and I would be presented with better options.

So for now, I am stucked to admiring my friends who are already finding their place under the mighty sun and patiently wait till it's my rightful turn.

AFTER 17 YEARS OF EDUCATION

March 30, 2011- officially I am Jacqueline Licup Y Reyes, B.S.N.

Thank you UST for the education! You might seem unreasonable and unfair but at the end, I know its only EXCELLENCE you want to impart. To all the teachers, friends, patients and mentors, thank you for all the lessons and experience.

Thank you Mom and Dad for everything. As in everything. All that I am and have achieved points out to you being given by God. Maraming salamat sa pagiintindi, pagaalaga, suporta at pagmamahal.

Isa nalang, R.N. na lang at tapos nako sayo Nursing. One last shot, Topnotcher pa kung pwede. God help me!

UST 2007-0017** SIGNING OFF

PRAYERS FOR JAPAN

I really hope that all the calamities would stop already so Japan could start its way on picking up its pieces and starting all over again.

(this photo broke my heart because one of my favorite cartoons, DOREMON, was here!)

R.I.P THESIS!

2nd place best qualitative thesis for the annual research competition

top 3 among the 80 researches in the UST College of Nursing

Presented in the 1st ever IRCONS in the Philippines

So proud of our dear thesis, mahal na mahal talaga kita. You taught me a lot of things, made me realize the extent of my capabilities!

And now, I finally lay you down to rest. You won’t be forgotten ever. Your story will live on for you have brought us so much glory.

most of all, YOU COMPLETED ME. =)

(that’s me, mimi, Dean Vargas, anna, tin, drei and Fr. Factora our regeant!)

Twenty One Years in Twenty Eleven

Before anything else, I like to offer a moment of prayer for everyone who lose their lives, their properties and loved ones in Japan. I feel sad knowing that as I celebrate my special day, thousands of people won’t be seeing a new dawn again.

It is with this thought that I thank God for the gift of Life. I thank Him for giving me this rare chance of coming here to planet Earth as a human being and being able to experience all the wonders of life. I thank Him for the 21 years he gave me and for the many more that He will provide. I thank Him for all the blessings that He gave me and for those that He didn’t, knowing that it’s all for my benefit.

I thank God for the gift of Family, who has always shown me love and care. It is with them that I learned, developed and matured into who I am today. And no matter what happens, my heart will always set and return to them for they are who I am and I am who they are.

I thank God for the gift of Friends, few as they maybe, I am proud to say they’re the best. Life wouldn’t be as scenic as it is today if I haven’t met each and every one of them. I will forever be grateful for their existence in my life. I

I thank God for the gift of Education for it is here that I shine the greatest. The journey I’ve made is one that is full of detours and sorrows but I’ve also always known that I wouldn’t have it any other way. I only ask that I may be able to step it up by being a living proof and inspiration to people. I pray to be able to spread not only the light of the Lord but also the fire of education.

I thank God for the gift of Love, amidst everything that transpired. A person learns not only through education but most of all through love. I believe one becomes a stronger person when you finally learn to love and then to let it go. For the gift of being loved, I have nothing but gratitude. For the gift of finally being able to let go, I finally walk away with a smile.

I thank God for the gift of Faith for it is one of the constant thing in this world, or at least to me. Everything will fall apart at one point in our lives but I know that my faith will be one thing that will remain standing and pull me up again and even to greater heights.

I thank God for the gift of Change for before we can begin a new chapter, the old ones must be closed off. We have to clear our hearts and minds of old memories to make room for other memories to take place. It can be very hard to do but after the first round, the rest is easy. Closing chapters of life doesn’t mean hurt, pride or hatred. It may also mean it no longer fits your life and who you are now.

I thank God for the Gift of Future for I know you have already directed it in Your heart. Humans can only see as far as the horizon goes but You see the whole path and journey as well. I have complete trust in my God knowing He has great plans for me and that I am to be His greatest achievement.

The heart's day post

My horoscope said that I should enjoy Valentine’s day. Quoting it, it said “Namnamin mo na ang Valentines na ito dahil hindi na mauulit pa ang ganito muli.” And though I was disappointed and yes, sad because this valentines again ended oh so cold romantically speaking, the college of nursing never failed to heat it up for me.

I was a staffer for the entire events of the IMPULZE (The UST College of Nursing's Valentine's Day celebration/65th year of it's foundation) and I tired myself pretty good! I was even a voice over for the dating game (where I should have been Mike’s date since I answered all the answers he liked!) pero FAIL padin. HAHAHA!

Loon and I decided to date for My Amnesia Girl but we arrived at the Med Audi (after me leaving it for like 15 mins to grab lunch around 5:30pm) with POINTEN performing! hahaha cute nila. One of the girls according to drei was FRENCH! FRENCH! OH MY GOODNESS!

I promised Lance I’d watch the nursing showtime since they were performing. And despite na last sila and almost 7:30 pm na ay waley pa ang number nila, I still waited and cheered my loudest for him! In fairness, HOT AND WILD ang number nila! HAVEY! hahaha and Later, he’d tell me he was the brain behind the concept. So proud of you! hahaha But I am also proud of my other friends who performed like Carlo (rear left) and GAMEFACE MUCH JED! (rear right) and okey, you also looked good being goofy Banzon!

and ofcourse they won the Php3k! yahoo!

and true enough, hinding-hindi ko nga makakalimutan ang valentines na ito! =)

Posting this from my Tumblr.

Eight ways to win your heart

1. Love Letters – long handwritten ones are the best; written in kawaii stationary and filled with honest declarations and mushy sweet nothings

2. Long Conversations – it doesn’t matter what we are talking about, it can be about world problems, Korean pop bands or making chichi about showbiz news for as long as we can stand each other for pretty much long time. Plus points if its sunset, sunrise or under the moon hahaha!

3. When he remembers insignificant things- In my high maintenance, stressing world, I find it sweet and touching if he sees those small things in me not because he knows I am watching but because he truly cares. (e.g. I tend to skip and jump of the last step in stairs, I always feel cold in cold rooms)

4. Surpise Visits – it means so much when a person surprises you, it means na nagtanong siya, nageffort na magresearch to look for you. It feels good that you don’t have to life a finger because when they really want to see you, they’ll see you.

5. True Colors- when the guy doesn’t put his best foot forward to impress and make himself look good.

6. Family Guy – When my brother and sister can joke around with him, he and mom are Farmville friends and can tolerate her loud mouth and when he finally stand in front of my dad with straight eyes, then he is the one!

7. Laughter – When the guy constantly makes me smile, laugh and bungisgis all the time, ALAM NA!

8. Good Boy All the time – Nothing better can win my heart than an all around good boy. All the things written above doesn’t matter if he is a God-fearing and God-Loving person.

Hanggang sa Muli

Kung sakaling dumating ang panahon na ika’y tumingin

Umaasa parin matutupad ang aking mithiin

Bumilang man ng ilang daang taon ang lumipas

Puso ko’y tutunguin parin ang iyong landas

Ilayo man ako ng langit, tubig or bagyo

Walang ibang hihilingin kundi ang mapasayo

Lisanin man aking piling at mamaalam mang muli

Huwag nang pagdudahan na ikaw lamang hanggang sa huli

I am reviving my blogspot. (hooray, jumps around while doing my happy dance)

The coming back finally feels home. After 3 years of not even opening my blogspot (fear of the past); I am back to my very first website.

It feels good. I feel happy about it

I started blogging long before everyone else does it for fad. That I am proud of =)