My heart finally decides/ happy 17th birthday to me!
Here are the things that are worth mentioning in this day:
-Najee was the first to greet me the advanced happy birthday 11:40 pm
-jom was the first to actually greet me a happy birthday 12:00:10 am
-mommy was the first to send me a picture greeting
-jasper sent a total of 75 text greetings in succession causing my phone to wipe clean my inbox
-mariel was the first to greet me on school
-Justine was the last to greet me before going home.
-Ryan was my only close friend who actually forgot my birthday.
-melvern was the last person to greet me for the day.. hey! He even made an effort and called me on the cellphone. Awww. Touched.
-someone made a pasimple birthday greeting through Joseph. haha
-someone hugged and kissed me on the cheek before going home. (Anti-D!)
-I saw a scene that totally made my heart go toink! (Whatever is this, no one will ever know. letters!)
-this day was spent practicing for commencement exercises and liturgical songs. Exhausted really.
It’s my birthday and here I am trying to make the decisions that would forever influence my life. Meaning… that whatever I decided within this time being would be enough to change my future and either make it a happy or a disastrous one.
College life looms around the corner and there is no use trying to pretend that it won’t happen because it will. And since college is near, I need to decide which university will I be staying since the confirmation dates are all nearing. The choices: ateneo de manila or university of Santo Tomas… BA communication or BS nursing.
A magazine said that in making decisions, you should not just decide rather, discern.. in our cle class… discernment refers to the process of recognizing God’s will as unfolded by life’s events. What does GOD really want me to do? And that is the question I am going to answer at the end of this entry.
Last march 09, we went to st.scho marikina and we passed by ateneo.. Seeing my dream school now so close to me had left me feeling of happiness and pride because I was one of the very few people who were able to meet its very high standards. Ever since I first heard of ateneo back then in grade five, I had always dreamt of the day when I would be a part of that school and be able to study there. So I thought, “what the heck, this happens to me only on a blue moon... would I let it pass?” silly me... it was only months then when I was pinning away because I thought back then that I had failed miserably and now look at where I am..
Last February 10, I went to UST for the final requirement of passing the nursing standards,, the interview. And while I was waiting, soaking in everything that I was seeing there had also made me so blissful because of all the thousands who had applied to be a part of the nursing roster, I was again one of the few people who even managed to run the second leap. In my heart, I know that I am indeed very lucky for having such fortune. This was also a chance of a lifetime for many are called but very few are indeed chosen, the final question is will I answer and hear the call?
Two great opportunities are laid down on my table today. Two very rare chance are now presented to me for me to able to finally take my pick but which one should I choose? Which direction of the wind must I follow? And what will make my heart really happy? Here’s how I finally took my pick…
Last march 09, we went to st.scho marikina and we passed by ateneo.. Seeing my dream school now so close to me had left me feeling of happiness and pride because I was one of the very few people who were able to meet its very high standards. Ever since I first heard of ateneo back then in grade five, I had always dreamt of the day when I would be a part of that school and be able to study there. So I thought, “what the heck, this happens to me only on a blue moon... would I let it pass?” silly me... it was only months then when I was pinning away because I thought back then that I had failed miserably and now look at where I am.. but as we passed by all it’s gym and buildings and roadways, I feel like I am walking an unfamiliar road. All the happiness that I was feeling was suddenly accompanied by an ill feeling of sadness. And finally, I felt very alone and sad because I was waiting for my heart to finally hit the buzzer and say “congratulations jacq!, this is your dream and you’re about to make it come true! This is what you’ll be calling home for the next four years” but sadly, there was no buzzer, no banner and no sense of belonging. It is then as our bus slipped of katipunan that I realized that maybe ateneo might not be for me.
As when I walked the rooms and buildings of the nursing department and saw all the students and chaos that UST presented, I still managed to have a sweet smile. Entering our car and preparing to leave UST, my heart finally gave me the answer I was waiting for… for my heart finally felt at home.
It is true that many dreams would have to remain dreams for the rest of our lives for they maybe too high or too dangerous or in simple words, simply not meant for us. Yet I have been blessed to have 2 of my most wished dreams come true at the same time at a situation I haven’t expected. But with these came the great agony and pain of choosing which one to take and which one to leave and let forever remain a dream. But what had helped me decide which one is actually a very simple act.. Listening to my heart and perceive its whisper for im sure, it has always been there since the start for the dream wouldn’t have been there..
But good things I know comes almost always with a prize. A prize that I thought would have been easy to elude. Yet it struck me down and let me experience the pain and regret of what I have to give up to get what I want. And it’s a very saddening fact that what I gave up took almost everything again from me… everything that I had worked so hard for.. so I really have to let it pass and I guess I would have to content myself with the knowledge that what I gained was BEST than what I gave up (the grammar was an exaggeration).
“With love, there are no rules.. The heart decides and what it decides is all that really matters.”