Today, mom talked to me about moving.
When I talk of moving here, it’s not an ordinary moving out of the house or neither moving from one location to another. It’s the kind of moving I tried so far to elude and never speak about. But I guess, I’d had to deal with it soon. (If my memory permits, I already wrote a post similar to this. Mga banding 2005 yun.)
She started by asking me how do I feel about going to another country and staying there for a huge chunk of time. I told her that I don’t know since that thought never even crossed my mind (WELL, IM LYING HERE OBVIOUSLY.). But I know that, that kind of answer would not suffice if im going to convince mom to just stay here. Ever since I graduated grade school, mom had been at my tail trying to sell me the idea that being in states with Lolo and Lola and with the rest of my huge clan is way better than what I have initially planned for my life. She told me that I AM lucky to be given an OPPORTUNITY like this cause some people literally kill themselves to be in my shoes right now. She reminded me of how I dream when I was young of being able to go to states and live there. She told me how better OUR life would be if we stay there. Most of all, she reminded me how much happier I would be.
I would love to see a real snow on a real winter, yes. I would love to build snowmen and be able to skate and brush all the snow from the driveway. When I was young and naïve, I had dream of all these things from in states (in Harvard or Princeton, no less!) to being an Asian-am-girl. But somehow, these dreams are not my dreams anymore. They had become my mother’s. Life had changed me and my dreams that going to states now is a thing of the past for me. Maybe, had the OPPORTUNITY came at an earlier time, I might have gone for it. However, yesterday is different from today as it is to tomorrow. I have already dream of other dreams, which I am in pursuit right now. I already planned my life based on the PRESENT. What I have in mind for my life may not be the greatest thing in the world (in fact, it wont’t even come as close to going to states) but I know that in my heart, this is what I want and this would make me feel at my HAPPIEST but still I love mom very much.
MOMMY I LOVE YOU! :)
p.s.: I’ve got a new haircut!! Yippee..