Friday, June 01, 2007

Jacq’s seashore journal
Countdown before school starts: 12 days

Hello everyone… I haven’t updated in like a million years huh?

Well, im fresh from being the beach goddess of my aunt’s gate away in Tanuan, batangas. Heehee! Been there to finally seek the quietness and solitude I’ve been yearning and to shut down myself from reality and think, meditate and gather my thoughts.

And my stay there was truly awesome! The thought of having a house steps away from the sand and sea was dreamy but looking at the horizon as the sun sets or listening to the waves are so soothing you could almost be healed by their calmness. I wished I could have just stayed there but I know I have to come back… as someone is waiting for my arrival *wink*

And I finally had the chance to fill in my loose and empty pages of my journal. I even renamed it “jacq’s seashore journal” haha.

Here are some bits and pieces of them:

“And I am gradually falling for him. Everyday that we are apart brings my heart closer to where he is. I never knew he even existed but im glad I found him. He brought me the peace in my heart I had been longing. He made my heart experience the rush of love and happiness again. And if only for that, I thank him. I thought that when we are away from each other, I shall forget him but no, it only made my heart long for his face, his voice, his smile, his embrace, his presence. And now, as I come back, I am sure, I have gotten there.. I am there. Yes, the rain has fallen and you caused me to finally fall. :D

“Rick says guilt-driven people are manipulated by memories. They allow their past to control their future. They often unconsciously punish themselves by being prisoners of that mere memory. And I am guilty of that. I have always allowed my past to run my present. It’s as if everything depended on it… every move.. every decision must be in accordance to the past. Maybe that’s the reason why I hadn’t really moved on then. I told myself im gonna let everything flew with the wind. But truth is.. I was just bluffing… I hadn’t really let go and had no intention of doing that. Why? That’s the bigger question, and I hadn’t really answered it…”

“I am thinking.. these is the perfect place to cry you know… it’s quiet here and no one would even bother to stop me. and I feel as if the nature understands me.. she doesn’t have to say anything but I know, it sympathizes with me.. and after this.. im gonna drown my tears in the sea.. sea is salty right? So is tears so I guess, the sea would take away my tears as I shed them..
I hope so..”

“they say that there is another kind of love.. and that is having enough love to sometimes leave that person ALONE. Sabi nila even people who love each other must let each other suffer at times. That’s because sometimes, no matter what you do, you can’t embrace the pain for them nor suffer it for them. All you can do is watch them from afar as they break themselves..and be there through every fall they do. But that’s so painful right? Ang sakit sakit knowing you can’t do anything. You feel so helpless. Why? kelan ba naging madali na panoorin ang isang taong mahal mo na masaktan? But it is essential if not vital for people to sometimes be alone in their pains and sufferings for here is where our truest selves emerge. When we feel we can no longer go on, we’d see and we’d realize, we have come this far to give up now. And in this realization we’ll come to know that even if we need to leave people alone, that sometimes we must be left alone, love and understanding would never waver-never a bit”

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