Thursday, August 03, 2006

Life Lessons from Children

From the moment I stepped in the high school grounds, I knew that my life would never be the same again. Stepping into this level means leaving out my old life and welcoming the inevitable possibility of change.
Change actually upsets me for everything becomes different and unfamiliar to you. You feel light-headed and wobbly, as if suspended somewhere in the mid-air. But then, I also know that change is essential in order to move up to higher order of things.
The fear eventually led me into more dense and hurting moments, that is to experienced real pain. This pain came from the most unlikely people, events and time. A pain that only those person who mean so much in my life, personality, heart and soul can cause. I tried to do everything and anything for them in the hope that I might find what I’ve been searching for and what specifically that something is… I used to hold on to everything I thought defined me—my memories, my friendships, my relationships—so tightly. It took so much energy, I hardly had anything left to invest in other things that matter. It was breaking my heart to leave any of it behind, but I knew some things had to go—or I wouldn’t be able to move on to my next destination. I just realize that most suffering that people experience is about the same as what you’d feel when you stick your hand on fire. It hurts like hell and you want to pull it out. But it’s amazing how often people would continually stick their hand in an emotional fire and keep it there. Now, I realize that if I’m continually being hurt, it’s time for me to do something else.
Tired, hurt and exhusted from every pain that I have felt, I challenged myself to go on a journey-the one that I believe would finally set me free.
It was a trip that i had so many times rejected. Probably, back then, I didn’t see the need for it or I was just too distracted to even hear my heart whisper these kind of things. It was tough leaving everything familiar to me not because I can’t survive without them but because I have already given them fragments of my heart. It was a tough decision but then I chose to go. Finding the destination was the easiest part since I already know where to go. Now is the perfect time for me to go back into the world of childhood and see life again in the eyes of a child. The children at the “bahay-ampunan” in our province helped me do so. And what I saw was like a well spring of refreshing energy. It’s life at it’s simple best stripped of trimmings, complexities and sophistication.
In my stay there, people would say that the children remains to be the best models we have here. I can be told that a thousand times over and I’ll never question why. These children meet life with spontaneity, creativity, a lot of purity in loving and caring. Even in letting go, we should learn from the children for they teach us to be free-spirited open and relax. With them, once more I learned how to have fun and flung all cares to the wind.
These children taught me how to forgive and forget and move on. Many times I scold and get angry at them but when I meet them again they have the same sweetness and smiles. They are not afraid to see life from other perspectives which I have been so afraid to do myself. How I wish that I still haven’t lose the capacity to dream so that happy realities can still come by. I now came to accept that failures will always be part of life. Challenges come and go to make us all stronger. Mistakes are not necessarily errors for growth is a process of trial and error. So as long as we keep the lessons, we can never have a “bad mistake”.
Suddenly because of these children, I have a map. But this time there are no signs or roads to follow. The direction is now being whispered to me gently, it was the music that finally set me free from every pain and suffering I took from the emotional fire. The song pierced through me and freed my soul, who have been imprisoned for so long. It was now clear where I wanted to be. I now found myself travelling back a familiar route: back home. The lost music finally regained it’s voice in my heart when I finally got away from my old life. Thanks to these children who helped me try to believe again like I believe when I was their age… when your heart tells you everything you need to know. Hopefully, with their accompaniment, I’d be singing it for the rest of my life.

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